once again something from the back of a great thinkers head (:

I don't feel like i advanced from the next person

They go about everyday like everything is normal

A flower petal floats through the air, didn't even take notice

I go about everyday like its a puzzle

I'll wonder where that petal came from

and I'll note on how beautiful it looks floating through the sky freely

And I'll question everything

coming up with my own answers

Or a question will come to me, and I will have the task of cracking it and finding my own answer. Everyday is a challenge

Everyday is a adventure waiting to be explored

-Joe Tinker (:

Picture inspired.

Some look at me and see,
All the long lost memories,
I hold more than ones mind can run.
Seen countless things, the moon and sun,
They've passed me by like a nascar on a stadiums checkered strip.
Haunted is the thought you get
When you see my planks bent and chipped
History has been made,
Mysteries have been sleigh-en.
You see those trees like sprout-less seeds,
Standing there freezing, Haven't seen green in centuries,
All the good hearts thats left me oh so lonely,
will someone please occupy me?
-Jazmine <3

trying to keep your mind at bay

pour your emotions out, fire away.
It's the only way to keep your mind at bay.
Keep a free spirt, dont let anything stop you.
I try, but its just so hard, everythings different including I.
Im the one that dreams at night,
sees things beyond others sight,
and may relives them the next morning, maybe just maybe i might.
I feel what others can't comprehend,
you cant hide it from me, you can't pretend.
I have no free spirt Its why i long to be free,
like a bird in a cage hungry someone feed me.
Im just stuck I dont need help or maybe it's via.
MY mind is never at bay, and no one has any idea.
-Jazmine<3

one day you will realize.

It's not working, Its not working!
No respect for my humane being
Taking away what makes me, me
What makes me happy,
The things i give a damn about,
You taking it all away just like that.
You want the best for me
To grow up and have a nice family
Be better than you ever could be
Fly high and succeed
But unlike you its me
Its not about what you want,
Its what i want, sorry to be so blunt.
But maybe you need this
And I'm not trying to diss.
But I'm not like you,
I'm not and wont ever be.
I know what i want you don't,
So for once let me be.
Let me be myself don't hold me back.
All your doing is getting me off track
You don't know who i am, I don't even know.
I guess depression changes your view.
Which should further inform you,
That you know nothing,
That what you do, doesn't help.
you will see, I could care less, and you will realize, I just doesn't work,
It never did, just know your making it worst on a well hidden, depressed, emotional And unstable broken soul.
And when you realize, haha.... It will be too late.

- Jazmine<3

Just keep your head up (:

The birds in the sky,
fly through the blowing wind trying to get by.
Newborns struggle,
old ones giggle,
they laugh at the young ones mistakes.
"What pity" they think "but one day, they'll be more than You and I. They are our future. Your are our future. so live it up now while you have no expectations, no worries and no pressure." Be free :D
-Jazmine♥

Joe is brilliant :D

(joe)I would more cherish it than trying to explain it. We all try to find a meaning in life. There's always something we can't quite explain. I realized this...
There's always going to be something that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, that's why you spend life trying to bite on something sweet. It's always out there, you just have to find it. You have to find the Candyman.

(jazmine) When your in presence with the candyman , do you feel complete bliss? Are you like a children while in the presence of candy as do they? You should be. Feel free to have a piece. Join me in my journey, to find the Candyman, we need to begin our plan, It's almost time to find the candyman :D

I feel it too

If only you people knew,
the things i go through,
well, actually you do,
its the same as you,
I feel it to,
when your upset and blue,
Trust me i'll help you breathe,
let me help you see,
I'll take it all away,
I'll try to play and get you feeling okay.
and You wont feel a thing,
When im finished you will be happy,
and i will be left feeling crappy.
-Jazmine <3

me ? or not.

There once was a young girl who was good, had not a care in the world, made good Grades, first priority was family, and was always happy. Sure enough she fell.
She fell hard,
She fell fast,
She fell without knowing, fell to the unknown,
Peer pressure,
Depression,
More peer pressure.
And she fell for it,
For all the things she promised she wouldn't.
She fell to the pits of darkness,
Confusion,
Mistakes,
Regrets.
She doesn't know how to help it,
No idea how to stop it,
How to climb a wall that seems unclimbable.
She doesn't know, they dont know, hell I dont even know.
But somewhere Deep down she knows, once upon a time, she cared.
-jazmine<3

im trying so hard.

Shear panik, I completely lost my mind
Cringed at the sound, If only this could just rewind.
Your still wrapped around me,
like a blanket on a new born baby.
But eventually the baby will grow,
The baby gets older and stronger,
slowly forgetting it's past
and flourishing,
becoming a new person with no knowledge.
The golden age,
The troubles they played.
It's only now that she is strong enough to upgrade.
-Jazmine <3

Getting there.

I lost the one i gave it to he's no longer with us is a better way to think of it.
but I'm okay ill be just fine, i always am.
ill make it through this i know i can.
I will not, can not, and wont, let this control me.
I don't give a damn if anyone wants me to hurt, because its not happening.
I'm starting to get happy i will be happy, you don't control me, an you never did, and you wont, start now.
-Jazmine <3

hmm ? worried.

Oh, the blood, Oh the blood on the floor.
She's slowly dying,
We thought we could fix it,
A broken heart and misunderstood soulOh, The blood, Oh, the blood on the floor
She's slowly dying.
she's losing herself.
Confused, unsettled, reckless,
Just Can't tame the untamable Oh, the Blood, Oh the blood on the floor,
She's slowly dying,
hours away from her darkest hour,
mind set out to hurt,
Oh the blood on the floor,
who will clean it up? We can't help you now.
Oh, the blood oh the blood on the floor,
she's slowly dying
and there's no where to hide no where to go, no where to run, no one to care,
your losing them, Losing me, losing your self,
with no disrespect, your slowly dying.
-Jazmine <3

Rose and Jazmine poetry off; Break me down by Red

(lyrics)And there is nowhere left to hide, turn and face these empty eyes, all alone, heart untold, trying to find, Break me down. Replace this fear inside,, take this nothingness from me, I want to find,I want to shine, I want to rise, Break me down.

(Rose)For nothingness is never nothing, it's just a word to feel empty with. And the light we try to find will never shine in our direction, only darkness can break me down. Loneliness is all around. And I am so alone. So alone.

(jazmine)Alone I stand, no one around. Not one care in sight, Again i feel nothingness, feeling no other word to use, the only way to describe such a feeling as such. Light doesn't shine, till over the horizon the clouds part and i am full of anguish. I see the light, there is hope. Theres's always hope.

(Rose)Hope will revive my strength. It keeps my mind stable and my heart from imploding. It shows there will be something better. And someone better. The clouds will go away and all I'll see are better days. For not knowing where to turn, this is a pretty good start.

(Jazmine)Blindly i begin my journey, my pursuit for happiness. All focus on what's in store for a corrupted and broken heart. Trying to stay positive, but sometimes failing. I realize to move forward it must end, the thoughts of the past always bothering me bugging me telling me, you messed up, theres is no place of bliss for someone like you, someone who hurt others and had no re-guard for the well being of other's or yourself. I look ahead, up at the beautiful blue sky, realizing what i've done, i begin to change for the better. To save a broken soul, who doesn't want to fix a broken soul.

(Rose)No matter how I try, I cannot break free from this spell. Although there are remedies to treat it, I cannot break free. Everything goes in circles, he's always changing his mind, cursing myself with this spell. Who can I look up to now that I'm cursed? No one can save me now. This has gone on far enough. I will be strong. I will take over. I will let myself be. And I will be myself again.

(Pearl Jam lyrics) There's no need to hide. We're safe tonight.

Time to re-locate.

I'm starting to realize that i have been suffering from depression for a really long time now. I dont know why, well i kind of do but I dont know how to handle it or what to do. I think it also has something to do with where i live. So i think its time for me to go. I need to move there is just to much stuff here, to much memories, and it hurts. So many people here have problems uncontrollable feelings and i have to deal with them because I am the one when your feeling sad I feel it to, You being depressed makes me twice as depressed. I would never blame The way i feel on anyone else. But now is the time. Everyone is out of control, Its like waves of emotions coming at me, and i am the one who shows them and feels them as if they were my own. There not. I may be depressed but it would be so much easier to get over this stuff somewhere else. So I'm going to live with my dad. That's a Risky thing to do but im sure that this will better me. I'm sorry to all the people that I am leaving behind. I'm sorry. I just cant stay here anymore. I'm sorry that when you get upset or your depressed or angry you cant talk to me. I'm sorry that i wont be there to help you get over it faster. But for once in my life i think im going to have to think of myself, I'm tired of hurting. Its time for me to runaway. Think of it like im sick and im absent from school, when i come back i will be better, stronger, better, and wiser than i was before. It's time.
-Jazmine <3

If we all had the chance it would definitely be taken (:

So young and tender
Not knowing, full of wonder,
No doubts,
No hardships
To grow up to live,
Where hate is everywhere.
To have, to have such power to overcome,
But not strong enough to do so.
To deal with pain,
Death,
Confusion, and love.
If only we all could stay in the good days,
Where candy was good and coodies were bad.

If only we ALL.

Risky Business

Like most believe that love is vital for survival, I do agree!
I'm lonely like a stray wondering the streets.
The only chance i have at love is to be wasted
considering im a chicken.
I like him so much, with my mind never off him.
I try so hard-
Yet try not, it seems impossible.
I go out of my way to see him, speak to him.
see his smile that i cant so resist but to smile back.
i think the thing that hurts the most is the thought that he doesnt like me back.
so to hear it; to know it, would be Devastating!
I'm just not willing to risk it.

To Miss Louise Olivia hunter by Edgar Allen Poe

Edgar Allen Poe is my favorite poet. People say he was crazy which i dont doubt, but that is part of what made him brilliant in my eyes. This is one of my favorite poems.



Though i turn, I fly not-
I cannot depart;
I would try, but try not
To release my heart.
And my hopes are dying.
While, on dreams relying,
I am spelled by art.

Thus, the bright snake coiling.
'Neath the forest tree
Wins the bird, beguiling,
To come down and see:
Like that bird the lover
Round his fate will hover
Till the blow is over
And he sinks-
Like me.

One in Particular.

Their idiotic and I don't think they realize what it is they are doing.
But this one? Oh! She knows for she has her ways like me,
straight from that tree,
Same roots yet in hers you find something different.
things you despise.
Nagging, Bitching and hypocritical thinking.
The apple may not fall far from the tree,
But see my trees on a hill,
And i damn sure can roll away.

Long-distance relationships

Long-distance relationships kill. They are the most horrible form of a relationship possible. At least from the forms i have experienced, and i admit not many. But this is my philosophy. They kill, in brutal, violent ways. Killing you from the inside and at first, you dont even realize it because your so happy. Then, it gets farther along and you realize these little every-other-weekend visits aren't cutting it. later, work gets in the way. No more scheduled meetings. The times your suppose to be meeting begins to fluctuate, bringing more anguish and discomfort. You never noticed but you begin to act different slightly. Friends comment always saying "Are you okay? Somethings just different about you." Hell, you completely ignore it. Until, something happens and you realize something really has altered about you. Whether it be your attitude, or just you in general. Your friends, they just know. The light missing from the sun. It's just not there. The weather man mentioned cloudy skies not an eclipse. Now, understand this doesn't happen to everyone. But eventually, the calls stop coming and you try so hard to find out if something is wrong, you start thinking up ridiculous ideals. "He/She's been hurt." Stuff like that. You get antsy. But after a long period of time of happiness then some horrible feeling, you realize you can hurt one another like this. No matter how much you love each other. You try to weigh out you options and theres no better solution but to break up. Lets be happy, not like this. We can find someone else to make us happy. We can still talk, be friends its for the better. Back to my point, long-distance relationships kill emotionally and mentally. Never thought it could hurt me but it did. After a while i remembered my heart began to hurt. The weirdest thing ever, my heart was breaking. A couple of days ago, all that hurt stopped when me and my boyfriend broke up. Of course i cried like most girls, but after a while i got a hold of reality and felt better. You should be happy not sad. After all, there are more people out there and just you him i will be happy, we will be friends and i will find someone else that makes me feel the way i once did with him.

??????????

i want to write a book but i have no ideas. im not sure what on or if ill have the time but im gonna try (:

FRIENDS=LIFE

Good god i love my friends so much they r som crazy mother fuckers as i have written before but thats besides the point! They are some pretty amazing people weither you'd believe me or not i will always think this. they may have some issues and flaws but dont we all. We all have the same passion for music which is good... and we love to meet new people we can all be nice..... when we want... and tear a bitch down when we need to... we TRY to be pacifist but it NEVER works out right! well thats okay i guess we still try. so now imma talk about some of them

Tatiana: This gurl is my life i never thought i would be so close to a girl in 3 years.. through hell and great times.. we have always been friends even when i fucked up she was there so when she fucked up i was there... i use to walk everyday after school to this chicks house... when she cried i felt it and knew something was wrong and i would call her and i'd be right.. she thinks im weird but cuz i can sense these thinks... we have gotten so close that i can finish what she's saying and i know what she thinking... I would go to the end and back wid this chick... and its funny cuz when i first spot her she was quite and shit... and i thought BORING! but then she fussed out a teacher and i was like damn lil salvidorian chic got BALLS!!! and from there on we been friends and im so happy we are. We've been through alot and i know its not gonna end that easily so we keep going everyday planning this shit out! ily Mixed chicken<3

Zack: He is my raging homosexual! i love this kid! He is the person in my life that has helped me the most. Although i dont think he knows how grateful i am for having him around and how worried he makes me when he does stupid shit! But no matter what i will be here for him till the end. This boy has issue just as well as tatiana.. actually i think he fucked me up more than she did lol:) I use to and still am the smart kid who doesnt listen to teachers but reads books.. and still ace's the test that are given.... hell zack use to be like that... AT LEAST I STILL AM!! HA! ily zackie<3

Shaina: you are my sexy bitch! i dont know what to say bout you! u are amazing i love you so much and i just dont know what i would do without you! that shit i pulled along time ago i realize more than ever could have stoped us from being friends... but it didnt and im so happy for that. WOOT WOOT!! you my soccer chick! Beasty goaly and scoring person... you kick ass in karate and dont hesitate and i love you for that you know when things happens i will always be here for you and always have... more than i use to be and im happy for that! ily Shainer<3

Devllin: What can i say? Your my Stalker, Rapist, Ninja, Urban Ninja, and one crazy ass motha fucka thats on crack! i love you more than you know and im glad you will never read this! I wish you didnt disappoint me as much as you have done sometimes but i get over them i guess... i never tell you this.. but besides that you are the best Ninja ever! ily Stalker<3

Makaelah: This is my niggah, she has been wid me even when she didnt wanna listen to my shit my rambbling on about and how everything wasnt going right... we like the same guys you know that could bring problems but it never does. for that i am happy! ily Makala<3

Cailyn: Man, we go back my nigga! From you being my first true friend, to you not being in my class man that shit sucks and i dont know when we can ever hang besides when it comes to sports... you are my Softball buddy and that will never change no matter if we dont talk any more or not! but you one crazy girl... yea i know what you be doing out of school lol :P ily Softball buddy<3

I have alot more friends but these are the once that popped up in my mind first!!! these people are my heart! and im glad i have not lost them!

by and by i know i have a bad "potty mouth" but hey i hear 6 yr. olds who cuz more than me where i live!

self-mutilation

Since I have already talked bout stuff around this subject i would like to talk about self-mutilation. I'm going to try to explain it to people. It's seems like now more and more people mostly teenagers have been taking part in self-mutilation. When you do this it is basically just cutting yourself with anything you want.. some do it as punishment because in their head they think that they have done wrong to people and wont be forgiven.. and that feeling of not being forgiven is why they do it... i know some do it because they can get really stressed... or cant deal with things that go on in there life so they cut... its hard to explain but as they cut the stress, the things that have been hurting you over and over go away.. you don't think about them anymore.. your happy and you feel fine... its like the cut is a portal for all the problems and stress to just leave temporarily... It's a mental problem.. they say the conscious mind is being controlled by a monster who tells them to do it, that there is no other way. so The person begins to believe it. and they cut and cut away. You keep cutting, deeper, and deeper, every time thinking it will help you that much more. Eventually, they end up hurting themselves very badly to the point to they need to go to the hospital and some don't have that privilege to make it that far, they die before they can make it to the hospital. I have friends that cut, a couple actually, and they all do it for these reasons. I have gotten 2 to stop cutting and they have been free from it for a couple of months. The sad thing is its like a drug. They go through like some kind of rehab with me. It's all just so weird. I hate ignorant people that say someone is Emo, and i hate when people say someone who cuts is Emo. First off, there is no such things as Emo, from my point of view at least. Its stupid to stereotype. People just jump to conclusions all the time. You don't know what they are going through, they just dont have any other way to handle something things. The point of this post is to get people to notice that self-mutilation rates are going up especially in teens and to open peoples eyes to why a person may cut. It's not always because they hate there life, contrary to popular belief.

just my thoughts for today: )

How much is there really to do when you have friends that are fucked..
You laugh, play, joke around with them and go through hell with them...
Weither its drugs or cutting... or just plain out stupidity.. to see them overdose on pills to let the pain go away:( i thought i'd be ready i thought i could handle it but as i found out tonight i wasnt.... I cried myself half way to sleep but i still havent fully slept yet and its 4 O'clock. i will never be able to forget what i've seen today.. the effects of pills.. why they can fuck up a person so fast and they not be fully in control of what takes place... I am only 14 and for some reason in my mind i still shouldnt have to witness shit like this.. then again i shouldn't be cussing either but i guess its a life choose..so as I'm on the computer i think about things that have happened in my life and why others could have worst and how worst could it really be?? All the people who committed suicide why did they do it? Yet, no matter what reason i have never found myself saying it was stupid....cuz you just never know there situation... and if you had been that person if you can handle it? when your watching t.v. and a persons on a bridge do you ever think "Thats stupid" if so for once think why they could be doing it. Dont get me wrong i think suicide is a choose of course just will never be my choose. Try to understand the unexplainable, the unthinkable, and the unimaginable and light could be shown over this cold hard world we call "home".

wow

wow so today is my first time using this blogger thing and i dont know how to look at other peoples blog.... 3 hours later i click next blog......... and wat do you know i find out how to look at other peoples.... ugh wow i need help. i dont think people offer the type of help i need. : )